Heartbreaker: A Second Chance Rockstar Romance Read online

  “Until you tell me what it is I’m doing that’s making you feel this way, I don’t know what to do, princess. I want to reassure you; I want you to feel comfortable with me. I’m not about to let something like this—something that only comes about once in a lifetime—get away. So please, talk to me.” I could see that his eyes were full of worry; there was a desperation in his voice that just made me hurt more.

  “It’s this world you’re a part of,” I said, finally managing to get something out. “You live so differently than me, Ash. You’re used to this.” I gestured around us. “The rockstar lifestyle. The drugs, the alcohol, the concerts, the sex—I’m not. And there are parts of that…”

  I trailed off as I held back the sobs I knew would wrack my body if I allowed them. There was a panic that welled up in my chest at the thought of what had happened in my past. “There are parts of that that remind me of things I don’t want to remember. And it scares me, Ash. It does. I don’t want to watch you change, become reckless or violent or—or—”

  Ash cut me off, hugging me tight to his chest, again. He started stroking my hair and making soft, soothing sounds. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay; you’re okay; you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

  I clutched his shirt and squeezed my eyes shut as the flow of tears began to subside.

  “Whatever happened in your past, I promise, I’m not going to let it happen again. Never again; I swear it. Don’t worry, baby; I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not changing. I promise.”

  The words had their desired effect on me, and I found myself gradually calming down at the sound of them. The grip of my hands relaxed, and I slowly opened my eyes, still holding tight against Ash’s chest.

  “We’re gonna work this out, okay?” Ash said, gently pulling away and looking me in the eyes. “Whatever is, we’ll figure it out. I promise. I’m not going to let it stand in our way.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, searching Ash’s eyes and finding sincerity within his gaze. “Thank you.”

  “Of course, princess.”

  Then Ash leaned down; his hand came up to cup my cheek, then he kissed me again. This time it was soft and sweet; there was no lust behind this kiss, just care. An immense amount of overwhelming care. It was a moment that I wanted to cherish. I wanted to take it and put into a jar or a bottle so that I might hold onto it forever, but I knew that moments like these were only special because they were fleeting.

  No matter how long we were seeming to stretch into existence, with my hands weaving themselves into his hair, with his arms crushing me to his sturdy chest, with his lips full of laughter and his eyelashes dripping with rain, I knew he would make a promise that he was going to let this go.

  21. (Lillian)

  The rain let up before I wanted it to. The sky became clearer, and the roads were again vacant, and Ash gave me a playful little look.

  “Shall we head back to my apartment?” he asked.

  With his hands on my hips still, he pressed another quick kiss to my lips. I giggled, almost unable to believe that I had been crying moments before, that it had felt like my world was about to collapse all over again.

  “That sounds lovely,” I replied.

  “Just a warning,” Ash teased, “I did bring my motorcycle today.”

  “You bastard.” I poked him in the cheek with a little giggle, unable to pretend that I was mad at him in any capacity. “There was no way you weren’t planning to take me home tonight.”

  “Oh?” Ash raised his eyebrows. “A little self-absorbed, aren’t we?”

  “What part of that is self-absorbed? You’re the one who’s been hinting at it all week.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yes! Just take a look back through your text messages. I guarantee, there’s no other way to interpret them.”

  “Are you sure about that?” Ash asked with an evil glint in his eyes, making me laugh again. “Are you sure you’re not just imagining things?” He punctuated each word with a kiss to my neck, almost tickling me more than pleasuring me.

  “Ash! Stop!” I gasped, pushing his face away, still laughing. “Well, are you taking me home or not?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Oh, come on, you already know what I think.”

  “That I most certainly do.” Ash braced his arm against my back, and then his other one swung under my knees, picking me up in one smooth motion. “Well, shall we get going?”

  I was blushing harder than I ever had before. But I nodded and said, “Yes, please. You’ve drawn this out long enough.”

  “Believe me, princess, this isn’t the last thing I plan on drawing out tonight. I want to savor every moment.” Ash whispered that last bit in my ear as he traced circles on my back with his thumb.

  A wave of delight and anticipation carried through me. He carried me all the way down the street, smiling at me the whole time. We made our way over to where his motorcycle was parked. He set me down gently, on my feet, then handed me a helmet.

  “Hold on tight,” he said as we got on, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

  “As if I wouldn’t.”

  I gripped him tightly around the middle as he sped off down the street and away to his apartment. The ride back couldn’t have been any longer. My heart was in my throat now, and I found myself wishing multiple times that we could go faster.

  I wanted to be pressed against him in a different sort of way. I wanted him to finish what he had started by the riverside. I wanted him to make love to me, and I wanted to make love to him.

  When he parked, I had to remind myself to stay calm, almost having run towards the elevator.

  Throughout our entire way up, we exchanged lust-filled glances, and I knew he was thinking of how to best undress me. There were cameras in the elevator, and so the two of us stood close and resisted the temptation to jump on each other until Ash had the apartment door shut securely behind him.

  But when I leaned in to kiss him, he put a finger against my lips. “Not yet. I have something for you first. Do you mind if I give it to you?”

  There was a slight flutter of apprehension, and a flashback of Sebastian raced through my mind, but then I reminded myself that Ash knew about all that and that he wouldn’t put me in that sort of scenario again.

  “Sure, go ahead,” I said.

  He disappeared into his bedroom and came out a few minutes later looking very pleased with himself, holding a little white box tied with a golden ribbon.

  “You did say you would wear something if I bought it for you,” he said as he handed me the box. I blushed, remembering our little conversation, then I realized now he meant something a lot less appropriate than a work outfit.

  With shaky slowness, I undid the ribbon, then lifted the lid off the box.

  Inside was something delicate, and definitely raunchy—that much I could tell.

  “Of course you would buy me lingerie,” I teased, and Ash turned away, hand on the back of his neck, clearly a little embarrassed for the first time in his life. “Go into the bedroom.”

  “What?” He looked up, clearly not expecting my comment.

  “I said go into the bedroom. I want whatever it is to be as much of a surprise for you as it is for me.”

  Ash shrugged. “Whatever you say, princess, though, do let me know if you need any help figuring it out. I have no problems with assisting you.” He winked, and then disappeared into his bedroom again, shutting the door softly behind him.

  I sighed, sitting down the box and pulling the piece out so I could see what it was I was working with. It was a deep red, already a sexy color within itself, and made out of a sheer, delicate lace. When I held it up, I could see that it was a babydoll-style little dress with crisscrossing straps all along the open back and a scooped neckline. Looking back at the box, I saw that I had missed a piece—a teeny tiny matching red thong.

  I was a little surprised Ash hadn’t gone for something more risqué s
ince he had been the one purchasing, but it was only our first night, after all. I stripped down and tossed my clothes to the side, and then slipped on the thong. I picked up the babydoll dress and slipped it on over my head as well. It was more challenging to figure out than I expected it to be. There were a lot of straps, but I managed.

  Finally finished up, I gave myself a once-over in the hallway mirror, admiring how the lines of the babydoll dress made my figure seem fuller at the hips, accentuating the curves of my breasts. Since it was sheer, I could see through to the thong underneath, and the length of the dress created the illusion of long, slender legs.

  I was a sight to behold. I was going to use every bit of my power to make Ash blush, to have him begging for me.

  “Lillian, are you almost done out there?” Ash called from inside the bedroom.

  “I’m coming in; just a moment,” I called back.

  I took my time walking back down the hallway, perfecting the sway in my hips. As I neared the bedroom door, I could hear that Ash was playing music inside. It had a low, pulsing beat and sensual lyrics: exactly the kind of music I would think Ash fucked to if I had to pin something down.

  And it was the perfect kind of music to give him a show to as well.

  I cracked open the door and let the music surround us, giving myself a moment to get used to the rhythm of it. Then I entered, watching with satisfaction as the expression on Ash’s face went slack, and then his eyes filled with lust, and I could see the effects of the outfit on his body outlined in his pants.

  “Do you like it?” I asked, drenching my voice in lust and suggestion.

  “Oh, believe me, I do.” Ash stood then, looking as if he was about to come over, but I shook my head with a smirk.

  “Oh no, you stay right there. I’m going to savor this moment,” I said, using his earlier words against him.

  Ash immediately sat back down, biting his lip and muffling a low, “Fuck.”

  I spun around slowly, making sure he got a glimpse of every angle. Then I began to move and sway my hips to the beat of the music. I ran my hands all up and down my body. I was feeling very much like a woman, the way everything came out naturally. I’d allow the fabric to shorten in spots that let Ash get a peek of my skin.

  I was never a dancer, never good at it in any respect, but I did come from a musical background, so I understood timing and beat. In this lingerie that Ash had picked out for me, I felt like the sexiest woman in the world. Knowing that he picked out this outfit just for me made all my self-consciousness about dancing disappear.

  I was the vixen of the night, enjoying the tease of my prey. I took a step closer to Ash, noticing how he was straining himself from standing up and touching me. I noticed him refraining from touching himself. Giving him a coy look, I licked my lips and then carefully took the hem of the dress between my fingers, lifting the piece above my head so very slowly.

  It dropped it to the floor, where it landed in a puddle, and then I stalked slowly towards Ash again. I propped both thighs over him and planted myself in between, straddling him. I moved his hands to grasp me at the hips. He did as I directed with a moan of pleasure as I ground against his erection.

  I felt him through his layers of clothing, and as I was almost bare, it was more sensitive for me. I suppressed my moans as I felt the solidness of him rubbing against those parts of me that were most sensitive, causing me to shudder. His hands continued to aid me in pleasuring us both; his grip became tight around me, letting me know he wanted me.

  I couldn’t help it anymore. I leaned down to lock lips with him, engaging in a hungry sort of kiss. I pulled Ash’s shirt above his head and ran my fingers up and down his abs, teasing at the waistband of his pants and the briefs beneath. He sighed.

  “Fuck, Lillian, I want to fuck you so bad right now.”

  “Wasn’t that the plan?” I whispered back.

  Ash’s hands traveled up the length of my body, gripping me by the waist and then flipping me over in one smooth motion. I was now laying on my back against the bed, and he stood over me, unbuckling his belt. He tossed it to the side and then stepped out of his pants so that he was left only in his briefs.

  A quiver of pleasure went through me at the suggestion of what was beneath the briefs. From the looks of it, he was much larger than average, and it made me hot just thinking about it. My whole body felt sensitive, on edge, as I wondered what he was about to do next. Was he just going to fuck me after all this talk of savoring the moment, after the suggestion of extensive foreplay?

  “Can I eat you out?” he asked, the words coming out low and tinted with lust.

  I just shuddered and nodded, the words already bringing the pressure of arousal to my clitoris, making me wet. He bit his lip first, and Ash maintained eye contact with me the entire time he knelt onto the bed. He pinched the strings of my thong together and slid it down my legs, tossing it to the floor behind him.

  I was suddenly completely bare before him, but I didn’t feel self-conscious in the least. He made me feel so sexy. Ash gently bent my knees back and spread my legs so that I was wide open for him. Seeing my bare pussy, all for him, Ash breathed out another low groan.

  “Fuck, Lillian. You’re so sexy. Especially down here.”

  He traced a finger around my opening, smearing the wetness over the folds along my inner thighs.

  “It’s so hot that you’re already wet for me; you know that, right?”

  “Yes,” I breathed out, the word turning into a low moan as Ash experimentally thrust one finger into me.

  He pulled it back out, dripping wet. He wiped it along the inside of my leg and then lowered himself. He pressed kisses along the tender flesh of me as his finger teased at my entrance again. When he bit down on the soft skin, I let out a gasp, then Ash increased the pace of his teasing, building up the pressure inside me.

  I gave small animalistic noises in response, unable to hold back due to the overwhelming amount of pleasure. Ash continued his path up towards my labia, kissing and biting and licking and teasing with his breath.

  When he reached the slit in between my legs, he withdrew his fingers and made one last sharp bit of eye contact, and then he began. I arched my back as his tongue traced a path along my inner folds. He stopped to tease my clit. As he licked me, I couldn’t help but buck my hips forward; my head was thrown back, and my eyes were shut with pleasure.

  “Quite sensitive down there, aren’t you?”

  “Oh, shut up.”

  Ash did as I told him, but I couldn’t seem to manage it. When his tongue entered me, in slow, methodical strokes, exploring me, I wasn’t able to contain it all. I just hoped that Ash’s apartment didn’t have thin walls because then his neighbors…but that worry was lost as the pleasure overtook me.

  It was almost too intense to bear now. The pressure was building up as he returned to teasing my clit, gently biting it and then licking and blowing on it while it was at its most sensitive. I could feel myself almost at climax, and I angled my hips up to better enjoy what he was doing.

  And then it came crashing through me, that wave of energy, of unspeakable pleasure.

  Ash’s pace slowed then, and he worked his way back out gently, kissing the inside of my thighs again, and then he was on his knees before me, stretching out so that he was towering over. He pressed a knee against the tenderness of me. I could feel the pressure begin to build up again as he kissed me gently, and I pressed my hips up against his leg, seeking heavier contact. He smiled down at me as one of his hands moved my hair away to the side, combing through it.

  “Eager, aren’t we?”

  “Like you’re innocent,” I teased back, and Ash’s expression turned to a lustful grin.

  “Care to satisfy some of my eagerness?”

  I had a feeling that I knew what he meant. With a hand against his chest, I pushed him back so that we were both sitting up on the bed now. My fingertips trailed down his chest, stopping for a moment to tease at the skin above the waistb
and of his briefs, then I grabbed him through the fabric and was pleasantly rewarded with the sound of Ash’s sigh.

  “Baby, that feels so good.”

  “Do you want me to do it like this?” I asked, squeezing again. “Or, would you rather I did it with this?” I brought my hand up to touch my lower lip, tracing the plumpness with my index finger.

  Ash groaned, clearly conflicted. “While I want to shove my cock into your throat and see your pretty little mouth around it, I also want to keep kissing you while you pleasure me.”

  “This it is then,” I said with a smile.

  I moved my hand back to his chest and traced lines down with my fingernails. I held my eye contact with him, gripping underneath his waistband, and, with Ash’s assistance, liberated him of his underwear, tossing it off the bed with all of our other clothes.

  He pulled me in closer as I began teasing at his tip, smearing the drops of precum over it, and then running just the tips of my fingernails up and down his shaft. He sighed, and then he kissed me, cupping my cheek with a palm to angle my face so that we fit together perfectly.

  I increased my grip and pace, adding a little twist to the movement as Ash continued to kiss me. He eventually moved away from my mouth to my neck, teasing at the tender skin with his teeth as my hand ran up and down his cock. This continued for a bit. I was arching my back in pleasure as Ash did wonders against my neck. He was moaning in response to the wonders I did for his cock, then Ash stopped me with a hand on my wrist; his eyes were wide and bright.

  “I want to cum all over you,” he said. “Especially for the first time.”

  “Of course,” I breathed, leaning back onto the bed.

  I propped myself up a bit and Ash laid on top of me with his arms on either side to support his weight as he positioned his tip at the door of my entrance.

  “You’re so fucking hot, baby,” he breathed, and then he leaned down to kiss me as his cock entered my body for the first time.