Heartbreaker: A Second Chance Rockstar Romance Read online

  With a grunt, I pulled her onto my lap so that she was straddling me. Her dress rode up her thighs, and my hands found themselves squeezing them. The music was still pulsating through the air, into my bones, and in my bloodstream as I pressed her tighter against me. We kept making out on the sofa, getting a bit carried away. I found myself lost in the moment, biting at her bottom lip and grunting as she teased me with her tongue.

  I knew this wasn’t the place to be doing these types of things. It was a busy club, and it was very public—but I also didn’t care if anyone was watching. In situations like this, sometimes a little unintentional exhibitionism was justified. Bella pulled away to take a deep breath; her cheeks were flush.

  She whispered, “I haven’t even known you for that long, and it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for you to kiss me.”

  “I was going to make you wait longer, but you make it so hard.”

  “You devil; you shouldn’t have.”

  “On the contrary, my dear Bella, it is you who is devilish for foiling my plans.”

  “Says the man who can’t stop himself from kissing me.”

  “Stop,” I growled, kissing her again, this time more passionately.

  There was roughness in this kiss, and I could sense Bella enjoying it. She liked this dynamic, a little bit of reverse role play. Her hips were pressed up against me as she let out little moans of pleasure. I rubbed her back and played with the straps of her dress.

  “I think we should call it a night,” I whispered in her ear, and Bella pulled away, pouting.

  “What do you mean call it a night? We just got started.”

  “Oh, I don’t intend to stop. I only mean that we should retire to somewhere more private. My apartment has a lot of room if you’re interested.”

  “I think you already know the answer to that question,” Bella replied, and then kissed me again.

  2. (Lillian)

  When I picked up the phone, I didn’t expect the first words out of Ash’s mouth to be: “Sorry, princess, but I got in a bit of an accident. I’m currently in the hospital.”

  “You—what?” There was a bit of frustration in my voice, along with panic.

  The worst flashed in my mind. Was he injured? Would he be okay? He was going on tour soon—this was not the time to be getting into accident.

  “I—shhh…don’t worry, baby doll, it’s nothing too serious,” he said, his voice soothing.

  “But—but you’re in the hospital,” I said.

  “I got in a bit of a motorcycle accident—but I’m not badly hurt, I promise. They actually want to release me in a couple of hours, but they want someone to drive me home.”

  “Ash,” I could feel the worry in my voice climb again. “Please don’t scare me like that.”

  “I know, I’m really sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen, and I’m sorry to have to ask this of you, but do you think you could come get me? I’ll pay for the ride over.”

  “It’s—it’s okay. I’m just glad you’re safe. I’ll come get you now.”

  I hated how my voice came out; how it wavered. It was a reflection of the weakness I felt in that moment. This was something I was hoping would never happen—it scared me for reasons I wasn’t quite comfortable with sharing yet. And I didn’t know if Ash would be able to understand them yet.

  “Okay, see you in a bit; love you.” Ash said, hanging up before I even had the chance to reply.

  I set my phone down, my hand trembling. I reminded myself to breathe, to calm myself. “Everything is going to be okay,” I said over and over again to myself. Ash wasn’t hurt that bad. He was going to be okay. I was going to be okay. We were all going to be oh-kay.

  Rebecca—my roommate—was sitting in the kitchen doing work some work on her laptop. Upon sensing my urgency, she looked up at me from her screen, knowing it was more important than what she was focusing intently on.

  “Is everything alright?” she asked. “That didn’t sound like it was the best phone call.”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “Something happened with Ash? Is there anything I can do?”

  “No, don’t worry about it. He just got into a bit of a motorcycle accident. He’s okay though, I think.” I contorted my face to hide my obvious concern. “He just needs me to pick him up from the hospital.”

  “Are you going to be okay to do that, Lillian? I can come with you if you want me to.”

  “No, it’s okay. I wouldn’t want to bother you. I’m just a little freaked out is all. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to call an Uber anyway.”

  “Alright…well, let me know if you need anything.”

  I nodded and grabbed my phone, punching in the directions for an Uber to the hospital.

  Thankfully, it wasn’t an odd hour of the night, so there were lots of people still active, and it didn’t take long for my ride to get me and drop me off at the hospital. After thanking the driver, I made my way to the entrance of the hospital.

  I kept repeating to myself that Ash was okay and was about to be released soon—mainly to ease the rampant images of him beat up and bruised all over. My mind had a way of imagining the worst and concocting the most horrible scenarios. The nurse at the front desk directed me up a couple of floors to the general ward, handing over a piece of paper with Ash’s room number on it. Ash had a more secluded and private accommodation because of his reputation.

  Despite only being temporary, Ash’s room was nice, quaint. There were some lovely watercolor paintings on the walls, and an arrangement of fake flowers centered on the bedside table. Even so, even with Ash sitting there in that hospital bed, smiling at me through the scratches on his face, the room still felt too sterile, too cold.

  “You’re here,” Ash said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  “Of course; did you think I would just leave you to fend for yourself?” I said teasingly.

  “I don’t doubt that you could be that cruel if you wanted to be,” Ash teased back, and I had to roll my eyes. “Now come here. I want to give you a hug.”

  I walked over to Ash and sat on the edge of his bed. After a moment, he pulled me with what strength he had and embraced me in a hug. That residual fear I thought I left at my apartment started rolling in again. It crept up as I breathed in Ash’s scent.

  “I’m so glad you’re safe,” I whispered, muzzled against his neck.

  “Me too, Lil’, me too.”

  I pulled away for a second and surveyed him, trying to pinpoint where most of the damage had been. He had scratches on his face, and some bad bruises up along his arms. I was sure there were more things that were currently covered, but he couldn’t hide from me forever. I trailed a finger down one of his arms and stopped at the brace on his wrist. He winced.

  “What happened here?” I asked.

  Ash shrugged. “Sprained it by catching myself. I guess I’m lucky it didn’t break.”

  I was in disbelief; I shook my head in disapproval. “You’re lucky you didn’t die. Crashing on a motorcycle, that’s dangerous.”

  “I wasn’t trying to get into an accident, Lillian. You know that.”

  “I do. It’s just…” I trailed off, lost in thought. “I worry about you, you know.”

  “Of course, I know.” Ash pulled me in close, and I was careful not to put pressure on his sprained wrist. “I would be confused if you didn’t.”

  He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. He tasted of salt, most likely from his perspiration from earlier. I let my eyes flutter shut as I let him comfort my body with his. He was slightly running his hand up and down my back, reassuring me of his presence.

  I held back tears as I started thinking of all the things I wanted to say to him. I hate worrying about you. Don’t you know what you do to me? I thought you said you were going to try to be safer. Those were things for another time, another conversation. Ash pulled away when a blushing nurse entered the room, informing us both that all the paperwork was taken care of
and Ash was good to go.

  “Is this your ride?” she asked, gesturing to me, looking at him.

  Ash put his arm around my shoulder and winked at the nurse. “I guess you could say that.”

  “Ash!” I punched his arm gently, laughing as the nurse quickly made her exit. “You don’t have to say things like that!”

  “What? What’s wrong with wanting everyone to know we’re together?”

  “Sometimes people don’t need to know.” I tapped his nose with a smile.

  “But, princess, I’m so proud to be your prince.”

  3. (Lillian)

  As promised, Ash paid me back for the car ride over and took the liberty to get our next Uber back to his place, despite me protesting that it didn’t matter who paid. He was teasing me the whole way back, barely concealing his physical attraction to me, much to the embarrassment of our poor driver. It made me laugh though, as I pushed him away and reprimanded him with a smile, and that was what he cared about.

  When Ash was being mischievous, I couldn’t hide it in my expression. I loved the fact that he pined for me—that he loved me more the more I loved him. And when we were together, we lit up the room; it didn’t matter where we were. He made the troubles of the day go away with him just being there. As long as we were in each other’s presence, it seemed like I could take on anything.

  But I wanted him to understand that he did worry me tonight. He did, admittedly, feel bad about what had happened, for scaring me like that…I could see it in his actions, the way he sucked up to me just a little bit more. On the other hand, I didn’t know how mad I could be at him; after all, he was just out for a motorcycle ride. Making me worry was probably the last thing he wanted to do.

  But some things just couldn’t be avoided. And it was the other guy’s fault anyway. So as we rode along the curbsides of darkened New York City, he leaned into me with a kiss and told me he would make it up to me. When we made it back to his building, I helped him unbuckle himself from the car and hauled his arm over my shoulder to use as support. We climbed the stairs up into his apartment.

  As soon as we were inside, Ash turned to me with a smile. “Care to tend to my wounds?” he said, flashing me his most gorgeous kissy face.

  He was dangerously handsome; even after a rough day, his manly features still looked pristine. But it didn’t get the response he was wanted because instead, I just sighed.

  I flopped down on the couch and hung my head low. “About that…”

  “What is it?” he said.

  He sat down next to me. Understanding the present situation, he began rubbing small circles into my back. He did that when he knew I was upset; it usually helped me calm whatever it was that was bothering me, but that tactic wasn’t working right now.

  “I didn’t want to bring it up at the hospital, but there’s something that’s been bothering me for a while now,” I pressed.

  “Which is?” There was more concern in his voice now.

  “It’s…there are things I’m not ready to talk about…and you said you were going to try your best to compromise with me; that you would make things work. But with what has been happening lately, it really doesn’t feel like you’re putting in much effort at all. You can’t be so reckless like that—it’s not fair. I care about you.”

  “I’ve been doing my best, Lillian. And I’ve been doing what you’ve asked. I’ve stopped smoking and drinking as much, I’m not doing anything terribly dangerous.”

  “But that’s not what you promised me.” I looked up at him, and Ash was shocked to see that there were tears welling up in my eyes.

  I was usually the stronger one between us, always holding back the tears and true feelings of how I felt. I didn’t want Ash to feel sorry for me; I wanted to be equals in the relationship.

  “When you said you were going to do better, I thought you meant that you were going to cut that stuff out, that you were going to be careful. And when you get hurt like this—” I pointed at his scrapes and bruises, at his sprained wrist, “it hurts me, and it makes me scared. Because it makes me think of things I don’t want to think about, and it makes me worry that worse is going to happen to you…”

  I trailed off as I choked down a sob, and Ash continued to rub soothing circles into my back. I knew he wanted to diffuse the situation, but it was getting to the point of no return.

  “I can understand why you’re worried; I really can. But you can’t just expect me to change overnight—”

  “I’m not asking you to change overnight!” The words were harsh, and they sounded forced. “I’m just asking you to be careful, and to be conscious of how the things you do affect me. It’s been a long time, too, Ash. I haven’t been pushing you at all.” I caught myself from saying anything I might regret, treading this ground more carefully.

  “Well, now it feels like you are. Some of those things are a part of me, Lillian. Admit it; you fell for that aspect when you fell for me.”

  “That’s what worries me.” My voice came out in a whisper. “I don’t want things to repeat.”

  “Whatever it is, Lillian, I can promise you it’s not going to be repeated. But I have autonomy too. I have things I enjoy doing that I’m not going to stop just because you tell me to. Yes, I’m doing my best to be better for you, but motorcycle riding? Really?”

  “It’s not about the motorcycle,” I said, but Ash was already moving on.

  “I don’t know what you want, Lillian. An apology? I already told you I was sorry. God, I love you, I do, but I also have to be true to myself.”

  It was silent then, and I curled in on myself. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I tried my best to stop them but realized it only caused them to come out harder. So I stopped fighting.

  “Hey,” Ash said as he set a gentle hand on the back of my shoulder, “Lillian, what’s wrong.”

  “I need to go home,” I said, drawing away from his touch. “Please take me home.”

  “What did I do? Lillian, can we talk about this?”

  “We already did. Please, just take me home.” My voice was cracking now, and Ash knew he should do what he was told.

  I wasn’t up for talking about it anymore. He would have to hope that both of our heads were clear tomorrow and that we could return to this, if permitted.

  “I’ll just get an Uber. I don’t want you to have to drive me right now.”

  Ash just nodded.

  He walked me downstairs to the car, and I waved him good night before getting into the back seat. The first shreds of doubt began to kick in, and I didn’t know if I’d ever felt this way before. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, if I was overacting. How comforting it would be if I could cuddle up next to Ash, watch a movie, keep him company, and fall asleep in his arms…

  4. (Ash)

  The phone rang and shook me out of my thoughts. I flipped it over hoping it would be Lillian’s name on the screen. If she wanted to talk, I was ready to talk. I was entirely surprised that it wasn’t her, though. It was my manager.

  I stared at the screen and groaned, considering if I should just let it go to voicemail…

  Ugh…I picked up the dammed thing,

  “Yes?”

  “Ash, I heard about the accident; are you okay?”

  “Yeah, it wasn’t anything too major.”

  “Did you get home okay? I called the hospital, but they said you already left.”

  “I had a friend pick me up. I’m fine now.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that. Are you still going to be okay to go on tour?”

  Of course that was what this was all about. I should’ve have known. If there was one thing my manager cared about, it was money. The show would go on. No matter what.

  “I’ll have to wear a brace for my wrist for a bit, but I should still be good to go, so yeah.”

  The guilt of performing sunk in. I felt guilt-tripped into making an excuse. Why couldn’t I just have asked to postpone it? I needed to work things out
with Lillian. All the worst things to be happening to me at the time. Dammit.

  “That’s fine. Good. I’m glad. It would be a shame to have any more distractions come up.” He said this last bit with a pronounced distaste, as if distractions were the worst thing a rising rock star could encounter. “You’ve got a fine career ahead of you, Ash; remember that.”

  “Thanks.”

  Not feeling like dealing with this crap anymore, I hung up and threw my phone across the couch. I sighed heavily, burying my head into my arms. There wasn’t much time until I needed to leave; the tour would go on for several months. I didn’t want things left on a misunderstanding between Lillian and me. I had to do what was right and settle things.

  5. (Sebastian)

  It was no surprise that Bella was bewildered when we pulled into the parking structure of my building.

  “You live here?” she asked, her eyes wide, seeming now to realize the luxury of my car and the designer of my suit.

  “Of course. Were you imagining somewhere else?”

  “No…”

  “Is it not satisfactory then?” I raised an eyebrow.

  She shot me a sexy little look. “Far from that. I am much more than satisfied, although I do know a few things you could do to make it even more satisfactory.”

  “You’re quite the feisty one, aren’t you?” I teased. “And what would that be?”

  The car was parked now, and I smirked at Bella as I placed a finger under her chin. It was going to be a fun night; I knew that much.

  “That depends. I am here to please, after all.”