Heartbreaker: A Second Chance Rockstar Romance Page 16

With a serious face, I placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

  “But, before anything else, I think there are some things you need to know, Ash. I realized it isn’t fair to expect you to tiptoe around my trauma when you have no idea what happened to me in the first place.”

  I could feel the sudden rush of emotion coming up again as I said these words. Ash rubbed my lower back, and his expression was open, ready to receive.

  “It’s okay, baby doll. You can go at whatever pace you need to.”

  “I—I know. I think it’s time I opened up though. It’s important for you to know.”

  Ash nodded. “Then I’m here to listen or do whatever you need. Shall we sit down, maybe?”

  I nodded, and Ash followed me over to the couch, leaving the macarons behind.

  We sat there without saying anything for a moment, and Ash had his arm around me. He pulled me up close to his chest, and I could hear the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I found the strength to begin my story.

  “I used to play the piano; you know…before things happened. Maybe that was why I was so drawn to you. I used to love music, the freedom it provided, the beauty I could create with just my hands and an instrument. I used to want to be a professional pianist; this was before I had even started doing photography seriously.

  “Sebastian and I were friends around this time. We were halfway through high school, and we both had dreams we were looking forward to. He was my support, my rock through those strange years. But before junior year started, he and his family moved away, right before I would need him most.”

  My hands were clenched in my lap while the memories replayed through my head. There was tension in the air and Ash could feel my reluctance to keep going. He took my hands into his own in an effort to help me relax; I think he noticed how hard I was tensing, that I might damage my skin with my nails.

  “I still don’t know why it affects me so much. Other people have been through so much worse—I was never really physically hurt, there wasn’t any tangible struggle or—”

  The tears started pouring out, and I was so embarrassed that they were. Ash started to hum a soothing melody, rubbing my back and pulling me closer to him.

  “Hey, it’s okay, Lil’. Just breathe…I’m here for you.”

  I took a moment to calm down and then continued. “But I guess some things can hurt just as much, huh? Around that time, my mom got sick—really badly. She couldn’t be there in the same way she had been before.

  “The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with her, either. They couldn’t fix it, and so she seemed to waste away before our eyes—mine and my dad’s, that is. She was always tired, always in pain. My dad was heartbroken, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. So, he turned to…other methods instead. Stuff like alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs eventually; anything to help him cope.

  “He didn’t mean to do any harm by it, but in that way, he had removed the only support I had from my life. And he said some…awful things when he was drunk. At first, piano was my escape, the only thing that was stable in my life, but soon my dad became annoyed…” I stifled more tears. “My mom had loved my piano playing, still loved it, and I guess that hurt him too much. His words turned to me and my playing. And I was impressionable. He told me things like—” I inhaled deeply, suspending my breath for a moment.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

  Ash’s hand on my back was a reassurance to me that he was still around, still wanted to listen to my story, however depressing…

  “I know,” I continued. “Things like, if we didn’t have to pay for lessons and my piano, maybe we could afford a doctor who would know what to do for my mother. But that was the thing; it wasn’t like we were poor, it wasn’t like we hadn’t asked everyone in the medical community. Nobody could do anything. Eventually, the disease got the best of her. And she passed away.

  “I began to feel like a burden, like I couldn’t have the things that made me happy when everyone in my world was suffering. So, I slowly gave it up, stopped going to lessons, stopped practicing. It made me cry sometimes just to think about it.”

  Despite my struggling, it became harder to hold back the tears now, and the emotions were overwhelming. It was only a matter of time before I broke down, unable to keep them at bay, so I soldiered through the last bit of the story. This was the most important part, especially to this conversation, so I needed to get it all out.

  “That didn’t mean things got better with my dad, though. They just got worse. He was on the verge of losing his job, and on one of his days off, he was drinking early in the morning when I called him from the nurse’s office because I felt sick.” My voice began to hitch as those moments were replayed vividly in my mind, as if I were in that moment again.

  “He was intoxicated, I think he may have been on some other things, but I don’t know. All I know is that he came to pick me up. Anyway, on the way—” My voice broke again, and I had to force the next part out through tears that I knew would inevitably fall.

  “He got into a fatal accident. Died on impact. And sometimes I still feel like it’s my fault, but I also know that it was the other things too. He was never like that before—”

  I couldn’t hold any of the emotions anymore, and they came rushing through like rapids of a river, tearing a course that wreaked havoc on my entire body. I sobbed into Ash’s arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Lillian. I’m so sorry,” he repeated, over and over again until the words bled together into a soothing melody. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  I wished I hadn’t spoken up and let him think that everything was going to be okay, and I understood his sentiment, but the sobs kept coming through. And I tried what I could to stop them. I knew Ash just wanted to comfort me; I could hear it in his apologies. The way his fingers twined through my hair and rested atop my head spoke in more ways than just his words. He wanted to be there for me.

  “If I had known, I never would have put my life in danger like that. I would’ve never subjected you to those thoughts again. I’ll never do it again. I’m going to try my best now, okay? I promise. I care about you so much, and it hurts me to see you cry like this.”

  I got myself together and wiped away the remaining tears with my sleeve and inhaled deeply to compose and calm myself. I felt a slight tinge of embarrassment, having let myself go like that in front of Ash. But I also felt a sense of relief, a weight lifted off my shoulders.

  “We’re going to work through this together, okay? I’m so glad you told me, baby doll. I’m so proud of you, and I love you so much.” He whispered these words into my hair, his breath tickling the top of my head.

  We sat like that for a while longer, and I just felt just a sense of relief. We rocked back and forth. I was so comfortable and at ease. My face must’ve been the worst kind of red and puffy; my eyes would definitely be swollen—I could feel it. It was that icky feeling after a long cry, and I rubbed my eyes to get it to go away. Then a wave of tiredness ran through me. More body-tired than sleepy-tired, most likely from all the heaving. It was way too early in the day to go to bed, a bit silly really. I just rested on the fact that I felt peace in my heart.

  Raising my head, I looked at Ash and whispered a meager, “Thank you.”

  “I’m always here to listen, princess. That’s what it means to be in a relationship; I’ll always be here for you.”

  I nodded. “I love you; I hope you know that; nothing changes that. And I want to be there for you too.”

  “You already have been.” He kissed my forehead gently, then wiped away the last remnants of tears. “Now, I think the best thing to do would be to get your mind off of this. Might I suggest a movie?” He gestured at the screen. “Maybe with some snacks?” Ash waggled his eyebrows, and I had the sneaking suspicion I knew exactly what he meant by snacks.

  “If you expect me to eat those macarons—”

  “I’ll eat one first, I
promise.”

  I pretended to consider his offer for a moment before nodding. “Alright, that sounds fair. But if they’re horrible, you have to know it’s the thought that counts.”

  “Then wouldn’t you trust me more to make sure they’re good? That’s quite a lot of faith you have there.”

  “You’re the one who brought them as an apology.”

  “I thought a difficult sweet would show you that I really do care about you, my beautiful blanket gremlin.”

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t resist the start of a smile.

  “You wait here. I’ll grab us food, and find a suitable offering for you,” Ash said, gently setting me down next to him on the couch before dashing away.

  He ran into my bedroom and returned with a large fluffy blanket, picking up the plate of macarons on the way back.

  “I hope you intend for the macarons to be the food and the blanket to be the offering, and not the other way around,” I teased.

  Ash faked a nervous laugh before miming biting into the blanket.

  “Don’t get your slobber all over my blanket!” I cried, reaching my hands out for the precious, comfortable warmth.

  Ash draped the blanket around my shoulders, nuzzling his nose against mine as he did so, laughing as I stuck my tongue out at him. He set down the plate of macarons and grabbed the remote to flip through the channels. After some mild bickering about what to watch, along with some playful tickling back and forth, we settled on a B-list horror movie, much to my delight. What better way to cure sadness than with mild jump-scares humor: something that was sure to make us both laugh.

  I felt a lot less troubled now, though the traces of sadness were still lingering at the edges of my mind. I settled in next to Ash, sighing as he wiggled under the blanket. During one of the movie’s overdone jump-scares, Ash attempted to freak me out by poking me under the blanket. I caught his hand with a laugh and kissed him.

  We were no longer paying attention to the movie, uninterested in the confusing plotline, and Ash and I started kissing again. He pulled me onto his lap by the hips. It was gentle, how he held me against him, and I knew he must still feel conscious of my earlier breakdown. But I wasn’t going to fault him for it; I enjoyed how much he cared about me, and how much he was willing to show it.

  When I first met him, it never dawned on me that this is what he would end up being. All I ever saw was the bad boy image, the rebellious rock star who got everything he ever wanted. And for a while, maybe that had been true. Maybe some of that was still true…because no one changed overnight.

  But now I knew the ‘him’ beneath the surface, who he was beyond the teasing and the smirks and the kisses by the river when I had been confused and wondering where my place was with him. He was promises and apologies and mediocre baking skills. He was nicknames and cuddling during terrible movies. He was heartfelt kisses and gentle touches during crying.

  And, I realized now, he was mine. It felt so good to know that, that he was here for me; no matter where he was going, he was always going to love me, always going to try to be better for me.

  I believed it wholeheartedly.

  7. (Sebastian)

  When I woke up that morning, Bella was still asleep. She was curled up next to me with her head leaning on my chest. She was breathing so peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb her, but after looking at the time—just after nine—I realized we should probably get up and make some breakfast.

  With Bella laying there, looking so attractive in her sleep, I doubt I could get back to bed. Her body was so warm underneath the covers, and I wanted to savor the moment for a while longer. I ran my hand down the side of her body, tracing the curves. She shivered in her sleep as I marveled. Sometimes when girls took off their clothes, the magic of the accentuation of their outfits revealed something a little different, but even nude, Bella was splendid.

  Her hips and breasts were soft and full; she reminded me of the Greek sculptures of Aphrodite, or the paintings of Venus, or a sumptuous goddess coming down to claim me. I lifted a strand of hair and let it fall through my fingers like water. I hoped that she would be powerful enough to make me fall for her. I didn’t want to think of Lillian anymore. I didn’t want to have this weakness. I knew deep down that I still loved her and knowing that…hurt me more than anything else.

  I didn’t want to have this need, especially for someone I couldn’t have. For as long as I could remember, my need to be in control was a dominating factor. Being in a situation like this, where I was vulnerable and where my emotions didn’t feel like my own, it was the worst thing I could possibly think of for myself.

  Then Bella started to stir; her eyelashes flickered as wakefulness slowly came to her body. I encouraged it along and guided it down the path of her mind with a kiss to her forehead, drawing Bella out of her state of sleep.

  “Good morning,” she hummed, sleepy and content.

  “Good morning, beautiful, ma belle.”

  “You speak French,” Bella said; the words were still groggy as she adjusted herself to her surroundings, stretching out her spine and cuddling more into me.

  “Sometimes. Does it please you, ma chérie?”

  “It’s very sexy,” she replied, nuzzling her head against my chest.

  Gently, I got up, pulling her up too, despite her whine of protest. “Glad you think so.”

  “In French?”

  “Je suis heureuse que tu penses que mon français est sexy.”

  “Thank you, or, merci, I guess.” Bella’s French accent was terrible.

  Not something I expected from someone of her charm. For some reason, I pictured her speaking French with a voice of liquid gold. Instead, she sounded like a schoolchild just starting their foreign language education, and I did all I could to hold back my laughter at the thought.

  “We’ll have to work on your accent,” I teased, “but otherwise, good.”

  I flashed her the ‘okay’ fingers.

  “I’d love for you to teach me,” Bella purred, her eyes going half-lidded.

  She pulled another lazy gaze through those long lashes of hers, her mouth opening slightly with the suggestion of something much naughtier than some casual French lesson.

  “I’m sure you would,” I grunted.

  My hand found itself resting against her cheek, and Bella leaned into it before rising to kiss me on the lips. She only meant for it to be a peck, but I caught her face and kept her pressed against me. The kiss deepened as the morning hunger consumed me. I wanted to remain proper and wanted to have sex with her again, but I wanted her to anticipate it; we had just woken up after all.

  It was my territory to keep her desire for me prominent so that she would come back again and again. She kissed me again, just as ravenously too. Her hands were toying with the mess of my hair. When her fingers began to trail down my chest, she started for my morning erection; before she could get to it, I stopped her, pulling myself away.

  “Not yet, my hungry little papillon,” I said, enjoying the expression on her face as she pouted in displeasure. “You’ll have to be a good little girl and wait until next time.”

  “But I want you now,” she whined, scooting closer.

  I shook my head with a smile so sadistic. “You should know that things taste better with anticipation.” I leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, “I trust you won’t let yourself be pleasured, by yourself or anyone else, until I can tend to your needs.”

  A little shiver went through her, and she nodded. “It better be worthwhile then.”

  “Oh, I can promise you, it will be...” I looked at Bella with hungry eyes and caught myself before I fully gave into my animal instincts. I pulled myself back to reality. “Shall we get breakfast then?”

  “That would be lovely,” she purred. “Shall I put something on first?” she gestured to her naked body.

  I watched her with a hand in my chin, pretending to consider the issue for a moment.

  “As tempted as I am to say �
�no’ if only to admire your beauty for a bit longer…I am hungry for actual food, and the likelihood of me being distracted if you stay as you are is very high.”

  “You know I’d like that, though.”

  “Wouldn’t you.” I lightly grabbed her ass. “But that would also interfere with my plans for breakfast, and for what I want to do to you next time.”

  I put my hand in between the crevice of her ass cheeks and grazed her lady bits ever so slightly as not to invoke any unnecessary reactions before breakfast.

  She shivered. “I guess I had better put on some clothes then.”

  “Yes. In fact, both of us probably should.”

  “I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t.” Bella’s face began to blush as waves of desire filled her body.

  “It’s a little chilly.”

  She pouted. “And that wasn’t a consideration for me?”

  I wrapped my arms around her, consuming her tight little body.

  I shook my head with a smile. “It wasn’t the highest priority, no. And besides, you know I would keep you warm.”

  “You still could.”

  “Nope, it’s already been decided,” I said, moving away.

  I headed to my armoire and chest of drawers to pull out sweats and a t-shirt and grabbed another t-shirt for Bella. I tossed it to her and winked as I slid on some sweats, and she seemed to consider the tee. The gray sweatpants I put on accentuated my manhood quite nicely, which is exactly why I bought them.

  “Just a t-shirt for me?” she asked.

  “Would you like to wear more?”

  “No, this is fine…” she said, almost a little too quickly, and slid the shirt on over her head.

  “Let’s go make breakfast then,”

  I kissed her forehead on the way out of the bedroom, knowing that she would follow closely behind. I knew this without even having to check to make sure. I headed to the open kitchen and began pulling down supplies from the cabinets. When I turned to grab milk and eggs out of the fridge, I found that Bella had perched herself on the counter. She looked very pleased with herself as she arranged herself in such a way that it was difficult for me to ignore. The fact that she had nothing else on besides my t-shirt didn’t help my case, nor the obvious attraction to her womanly body.