Heartbreaker: A Second Chance Rockstar Romance Read online

  I finally got a hold of myself, my feelings were in check, and on top of that, I was asking Rebecca for less and less help lately. But no matter how strong someone was, true strength was knowing it was still okay accepting help from others.

  4. (Bella)

  Sebastian rarely came to pick me up anymore, but he always paid for the cab fare and met me down in the parking lot to take me up to his apartment. I would tell myself that at least he was a still gentleman to me in some ways, or at least that it shouldn’t matter.

  I was waiting downstairs now and knew he would be down any minute. I watched the elevator door in anxious expectation. When the doors finally revealed him, I smiled, and he smiled in return, beckoning me into the small space. His smile was a warm one. It made me think of how lucky I was to have found someone like him to engage in this type of relationship with. I had no doubt that when this all ended, it would end cordially, because these things all came to an end one way or another.

  “You look good tonight,” Sebastian said; his voice was soft as he drew me close to him in the elevator, kissing my mouth gently.

  His arms grabbed me around the waist and our interaction was just the prequel to the sexual satisfaction we were about to experience. I thought to myself that if anyone saw us together like this, they would think that we were lovers.

  “Thank you; so do you,” I replied, trailing a hand down his chest, looking up into his eyes with what I knew was a seductive look.

  He kissed me again, leaning in with a gentle passion; the roughness of his grip on my body made me come alive. The sturdiness of his body made me feel small and fragile. The elevator doors opened, and the two of us made our way up to his apartment, not yet breaking contact.

  Sebastian guided me towards the couch and pushed me down before standing back to slip off his jacket and tie. He looked down at me with passion and desire. The two of us had gone through this dance many times, enough to know how it went, and we didn’t need to know where we were going.

  This was no longer an unfamiliar terrain. I could probably walk through his entire apartment blindfolded—though now that I thought about it, I already had. Many times.

  Though we may have developed a routine, Sebastian didn’t allow things to become stagnant or boring. He never failed to find little ways to make things new and exciting. Though tonight, he didn’t have any such plans.

  I drew him back towards me, pulling him down onto the couch too. He let out a low noise from the back of his throat. He kissed my neck as I unbuttoned his shirt. I gasped as he hit a particularly tender and pleasurable spot. My fingers were fumbling over his buttons.

  He knew to allow just the right amount of teasing. He let me pull off his shirt without too much trouble and gave me a seductive stare while I threw it behind me. He was working kisses down my neck, peppering little hot spots of passion along my collarbone. He bit my shoulders lightly, eliciting pleased gasps, and then he pulled down the straps of my dress.

  “So sexy…you dressed up just for me?” he asked.

  He tilted his head to let a slicked-back piece of hair fall over his face, flashing me a sultry smirk. He was definitely making more of a statement than a question as I let him uncover the red, lacy bra underneath my clothes—one of the sets he had purchased for me recently.

  “Of course, always,” I said.

  My hands met his jawline, and I turned his attention back to face me. I looked up at him with a simpering sweet smile. I gently brought his head down to kiss me again. I enjoyed the feeling of his lips pressed against mine as I teased his tongue, nipping at his bottom lip and smiling against him.

  “You naughty little girl,” he said, his hand gliding up my bare leg. He slid it under my dress, as he played with the hem of my panties. “You want me, don’t you?”

  “You know I’m yours,” I replied on instinct.

  He crushed my mouth with his; he was hungry, and he wanted to be satiated. The pace quickened as all pretext disappeared. He guided his finger up to meet my clit through the lace of my panties, not quite giving me the satisfaction I wanted so badly. I whined beneath him, squirming to try to find a better angle, but his touch was firm, and he kept me in place with a hand on my cheek and a wicked grin.

  “You’re so eager this evening, darling. Let me decide when it happens, though, and I can promise you the pleasure will be overwhelming.”

  With nimble fingers, he slid my panties down my legs, tossing them into the pile with his shirt. I brought my hips up to meet his, but he pushed me back down gently, capturing my mouth with his, nipping at me while I whined in protest.

  His fingers found their way back up to my nether region. He teased my entrance, building up heat and allowing the pressure of his fingertips to only slightly graze the outside of my labia. Sebastian was a master of creating temptation through making me want and desire him; he knew just sitting on the brink foreplay was an easy way to achieve this.

  The anticipation was killing me…but I knew he was going to give me the best orgasm I could ever have. My past partners were the type to rush things, not allowing me to get caught up in the build of momentum. Sebastian was a different breed of man; he took his time and set the ambiance.

  We never allowed for the subtext and play of words to build up. Sebastian was different in the way that he addressed my pleasure as much as his satisfaction, not becoming too engulfed in his own. Sebastian was very attentive to my needs, even if the two of us weren’t romantically involved, or even involved at all outside of the bedroom.

  For the moments when the two of us met, for the nights filled with pleasure, I could almost believe that he did care about me. I would sometimes catch myself in those moments when we’d be winding down after something particularly intense. His arms would be wrapped around me, his body would feel warm while he laid down next to me, and I would suddenly need to fight the urge to tell him something intimate.

  But then I’d remind myself that the kind of relationship the two of us had was not like that. It was better that we kept our conversation to things of lull and superficial subject; it was only means for us to increase the pleasure later on. I snapped myself out of my mangled thoughts and gasped in a surprised moan as Sebastian increased his rhythm.

  I could feel the intense feelings of lust building up, almost bringing me to the point of them bursting out of me. He began to kiss me even more passionately now. I arched up to meet him, and my hips were pressed against his body, the gap behind us becoming almost nonexistent. This time, he didn’t deny me the pleasure I deserved. I ground against him, feeling the hard length of his shaft through the outside of his pants. There it was—his wanting and desire—displayed right there.

  “You make me so hard right now,” Sebastian pulled away to whisper this in my ear. The hot air of his breath made me shiver.

  “You make me so wet,” I replied, my voice was soft from arousal.

  I brought my hands up to the side of his face and turned him back towards me. I wanted to stare him in the eyes. He let out a low sound from the back of his throat, giving in to his primal desire as he unbuckled his belt slowly. He stood up taking a position of power and gazed down while he slid off his pants, revealing the large package underneath, a predatory glint flashing across his eyes.

  I watched in wonder, even after having known him this intimately for so long…every time he undressed, I couldn’t help but become hypnotized by the way he seduced me. Often times, I wanted to undress him myself. I’d picture sliding the expensive fabric off of him little by little. I’d lose myself to when I imagined revealing the smooth skin underneath, his fine hairs and small faded scars, probably from his childhood.

  Sometimes I would think that if we were lovers, he would tell me the story of each one of his scars—"this one, a fall from a tree; that one a playfight with a friend; yet another one from a hike with parents”—but I accepted the fact that I might never know. There was a high chance that he would forever remain a mystery to me.

  He n
ever let me undress him, not even once. I tried initiating it one time, but he refused me, kept telling me that was ‘keeping an air,’ but I had a feeling it was for a different reason. Maybe, I thought, undressing him was an act so intimate―so baring―he only reserved it for those he truly loved. I didn’t have time to think anymore as he advanced again, pulling my body up to him, a little roughly, but this was the way I liked it. He knew that.

  He wrapped his muscular arms around me, and I let out a gasp into his mouth as he slid in, in and out, in and out, increasing the pace and then slowly, skillfully, bringing me to the brink of orgasm. And not a moment too soon, he mercilessly pulled away just before I could feel that sweet, sweet release.

  I could tell that he had incredible self-restraint; none of my other lovers had ever lasted this long before. The pressure built up even more inside me; I was internally screaming for release; please, please, Sebastian, PLEASE. I barely noticed that Sebastian had reached his climax a few moments after, pulling out slowly as he kissed me gently. Then he laid me back down on the couch.

  It took a moment for the world to return to normal, for the colors to stop being so bright and for my thoughts to come in as they should. Sebastian grabbed my hands and whispered to me about how wonderful I was, his voice honeyed with overwhelming pleasure and satisfaction.

  Then, slowly, things came back into focus, and we made our way into Sebastian’s bedroom for the next few rounds, for whenever we felt up to it. It always played out like this. We never banged on the bed first, and even when we did, it usually didn’t feel like we were.

  It was a difficult thing for me to put into words. Like I was in this space, but Sebastian’s mind was not there; neither was mine. It didn’t feel as if we were in an intimate space together at all. Instead, we would be in the living room or the kitchen, having sex on the piano or the kitchen counter, braced over the coffee table like some caricature of our relationship.

  I just learned to ignore it.

  5. (Lillian)

  “You know, Lillian, I think we might be seeing the light,” my editor, Meghan, mused.

  She was going through the proposal I typed up earlier this morning, finally setting it down after a mid-morning work binge.

  “This is definitely a path to consider. I’ll see what I can pull as far as getting you access to shows—I have a few connections. In the meantime, take your lunch break, and I’ll see if I can’t have something lined up for you within the next few days.”

  I nodded and thanked her as I took my leave of her office.

  I was very pleased that it went so well, low-key patting myself on the back as I fought the urge to dance for joy in the hallway. Never celebrate too soon, I told myself! My doubt was beginning to get to me, and I was worried that it wouldn’t go over at all. Thankfully, it seemed that I was not out of the running quite yet, and this could maybe be my chance for an even bigger breakthrough. At least, that’s what I was hoping. I pulled out my phone to send a quick text to Sebastian.

  Taking my lunch break now. Still down to meet up?

  The two of us had been making the effort to spend more time together lately, rekindling the friendship we both missed so dearly. So far, it consisted of rushed lunches and the occasional soap opera binge when Sebastian came over to visit Rebecca and me.

  Surprisingly, he’d been the one insisting on the soap operas, getting into them since we watched that Spanish novella months ago, back when I was feeling down. Rebecca, of course, found it to be absolutely hilarious, holding it over his head that ‘Mr. Big-Shot-Lawyer’ was into dramatic love triangles and cliffhangers.

  I, on the other hand, found it quite charming. I wondered if he had a special connection to the genre, like I did, because it was so strongly tied to the night when the two of us started to move back towards the friendship we used to have.

  Whatever it was that we had now, friendship (and nothing more) was what I liked. It was that way, for the moment, at least. I needed more time to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to mess up my friendship with Sebastian. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him…again.

  That was more than what I would be able to take.

  My phone buzzed as his reply came in.

  Of course, just got out. Same place as last time?

  Yep, really craving falafel and pita.

  Greek again then.

  I smiled to myself, and the warm fuzzy feelings of a companion trickled into my heart. At one point or another, I’d kick myself for having these sorts of thoughts, thinking I would get hurt. But now I knew I could give myself permission to be pleased, especially over things like these; it was okay to let people in sometimes.

  I tidied up my desk―at least somewhat—so that it would be ready for me to resume work when I returned from lunch. There were multiple photos that some of the other photographers took that Meghan had asked me to look over. She needed me to help her choose the best ones and edit them so that they’d be ready to go into the magazine. It pleased me to know I was being trusted with such work, especially since, at one point, it was my photos that were being picked through and edited by someone else.

  I grabbed my purse and made sure to check everything was in there, and I headed out into the busy streets of New York. The weather was getting warmer, and the nights were less cold. The air felt light, and a breeze blew the hair out of my face. The city still looked and smelled the same way that it usually did, but I always cherished these spring months. They were certainly much better than summer—when sweltering heat would descend and there’d be gaggles of school children running around to the four winds to do what they pleased.

  It was only a short walk to the small Greek place that Sebastian and I now frequented. It was one of those places that you might miss at first glance—or look over with an upturned nose. But it was a firm favorite of ours now, recommended to me when I first started working at the magazine.

  I saw Sebastian waiting in the line of customers, and I enthusiastically waved to him with a smile, squeezing through to take my place by his side.

  “Certainly, busy today, isn’t it?” he said, his tone light and playful.

  “Not as busy as it would be if Ana had her way with it,” I replied with a joking scowl.

  Ana, who had been my writer friend for a while now, always wanted to do an article on the small restaurant. The editors considered including it in the next edition of the magazine as a way for their newer photographers to get some experience. But that would most definitely turn the place into a highly frequented tourist destination instead of keeping it the not-so-well-kept secret that I had come to adore.

  “If that happens, I’m sure I can dig up some other options. Or we can always just order ahead.”

  “I know; it just won’t be the same,” I said.

  We moved up in the line as another customer finished their order, getting ever closer to the register.

  “What, you mean squeezing into this line and taking advantage of my punctuality?” Sebastian teased, nudging me with his shoulder.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Do I?”

  The words were low, and they almost sent shivers down my back. My subconscious mind took me back into another context, imagining what it would be like to have Sebastian say them to me while we were alone, when there was no space between us.

  But it was a thought that was easily dislodged and forgotten.

  We finally got to the front of the line. We took turns ordering food and moved to the side to wait.

  “So, how has your work been?” Sebastian asked, leaning an elbow on one of the slightly sticky standing tables.

  I wasn’t sure if the look he was giving me was a look I would have labeled as seductive. But in our teenage years, it might’ve merited it. Sebastian had an essence about him: dark hair, green eyes, and a chiseled jaw that made girls think of a movie star. Not only was he tall, but he was also built. Anyone could see the dedication he had towards physical fitness and exercise. He was a mo
del citizen on top of that, and handsome as hell.

  “Terrible,” I replied. I shook my head so that he knew that it was partly a joke. “All of my stories have been flopping lately.”

  “Hmm, I would have thought that that dog park one would’ve at least garnered some interest.”

  “Can you and Rebecca stop it with the dog park?” I said with a laugh, nudging him. “I get it, not my brightest idea.” I shrugged.

  “I don’t know; the dogs were pretty cute.”

  “Oh, now you’re just rubbing it in.”

  “Alright, so dog park didn’t do as well as you would have hoped. Do you know what you’re doing next? I know it might not be the most interesting, but I could always see if I could pull some strings so that you can photograph some of the more intriguing cases I work on.”

  “No, I don’t think I’ll need to take you up on that this time, but thank you.”

  “Oh? Have your own better idea?”

  “In fact, I do.”

  I started explaining my new plan to him about the ballet. He didn’t jump to conclusions as immediately as his stepsister, at least not visibly. He gave me a stern nod after I finished explaining.

  “I think that that would be a lovely couple of stories. If you want, I can get the three of us some tickets to the next ballet show that the New York Company is putting on, to help give you some more ideas.”

  “That would be really nice. At least, something to mix it up after all those soap operas.”

  Sebastian raised his eyebrows, eyeing me down from his superior height. “Are you accusing me of something, Lily?” His voice was low, sultry, sexy.

  “I never connected the soap operas to you, Sebastian. You did that yourself,” I retorted, sticking my tongue out at him.